what is this nonsense???

overdue

Well, this baby's been neglected for too long and refuses to rouse back to life. Nonsense, needless to say, continues to thrive elsewhere but I've lost the zest to pin it down and drag it over here for your amusement.

If you miss me, you can come look for me at 33, where I blabber mostly in Spanish, although with an occasional dash of English.

It's been a good run.

Buh bye now.

Celine Dion: NOT doing her part to stop the madness

What you wished you hadn't seen.

via Alt1040

when can we get eNotebooks for Math class?

Until then, this game won't reach its full potential. But it's still fun as hell.

On a related note, Jenna Jameson is coming to a PC near you.

Appropriately enough, now that she lives for and by computers, she ain't no looker.

El legado de Juan Pablo II: "Otro vendrá que bueno me hará"

micockringnomedejapensar desde escolar.net

Principles of Jewish Buddhism

(I've taken a liking to consuming and serving my nonsense in the form of lists. For this one, blame/praise blogging goddess Echidne.)

1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders.

2. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

5. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

6. If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

10. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

11. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

12. To find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

13. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

14. Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes!

BONUS: The ultimate Jewish mother joke.

10 things I've done that you probably haven't

(I have a paper to write tonight so, sure 'nuff, I'll indulge a silly meme that still manages to be less silly than the paper I must hand in tomorrow morning.)

1. Stupidly daring (reckless, really) illegal/immoral acts involving either drugs, housing, academics, or immigration Never mind

2. Had sloppy, drunk sex with one of America's Most Wanted (unbeknownst to me at the time and startlingly discovered months later in a late-night bad-TV-watching binge.)

3. Physically fought a Chinese businessman who tried to drag me out of my legitimately hailed cab in early evening rush traffic on Canal St.

4. Snuck onto a huge ship off the coast of Staten Island in the middle of a January night by means of a tiny boat and a flimsy ladder. This act of foolishness is to be blamed on a few sailors, a few female friends, and a few drinks. No sex was had but plenty shame was experienced the morning after, when we left the premises under the stare of tens of judging Navy eyes. (Friend's alcohol poisoning and hospitalization immediately prior to above mentioned adventure intentionally edited out)

5. Occupied what had previously been Tabitha Soren's office (mirror included)

6. Made myself over in a new country/culture/language.

7. Had a French teacher proclaim her desire to never ever ever see me again, definitively barring me from her course mid-semester for being a chronically-late-when-not-absent smartypants, only to find out 10 years later that my new girlfriend's parents happen to have her as a close friend.

8. Unwittingly oxigenated a batch of fresh semen by sucking it into a syringe, noticing a few bubbles and squeezing it back out in order to start over, a move that horribly backfired by creating a cluster of semen bubbles resembling a miniature bunch of grapes.

9. Packed journalism, education, film & TV production, advertising, publishing, and social work in under 10 years. In alphabetical order, I've been a babysitter, cleaning lady, copywriter, editor, filmmaker, journalist, producer, production assistant, production manager, proofreader, teacher, therapist, transcriber, translator, tutor. And I sold fish right by the Twin Towers on Saturday mornings.

10. And I never let all that work get in the way of my being a dilettante ;-)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Yes, it's for real.

Magnificent, Ground-Breaking, Indispensable

The Somerville Gates

via A Whole Lotta Nothing

artist makes himself useful

Tobias Reischle is a nice German guy (for real) who liked to unwind at the waterfront in Williamsburg. There he would get in touch with why on earth he was working his ass off for an overpriced rathole in an overhyped dirty corner of NYC. Staring at the more magnificent sections of town, Tobias rested his weary soul and longed to rest his ass. Inspired by the legendary Manhattan skyline that's supposed to inspire us all (some more than others, let's face it), he decided to make some concrete chairs with a loungy feel to them for all hipsters to enjoy. Made them himself, apparently. How he brought them there is unclear, as each weighs 200 pounds. But he did, and they're there to stay.

He is a hero for troubled times, if you ask me.

via Popgadget

Human Clock

Humanclock.com, or the importance of keeping track of the time you waste.

worth gazing at

The Lucky Coin (1995) by David Hilliard:

For me, the construction of panoramic photographs, comprised of various single images, acts as a visual language. Focal planes shift, panel by panel. This sequencing of photographs and shifting of focal planes allows me the luxury of guiding the viewer across the photograph, directing their eye; an effect which could not be achieved through a single image.

via Efímera

just cuz you're paranoid...

...doesn't mean they're not after you ;)

via TalkLeft

Before it all turns

Savor it now before, much like anything that comes in contact with human beings, it turns sloppy and foul.

Most Loathsome: YOU

A few of America's Most Loathsome People:

40. LAURA BUSH

Crimes: Oh the first lady, what an inspiration she must be to android researchers everywhere. Smile, nod, smile, (look interested) nod, put on $50,000 dress, suck off the president and there you have a typical day for the first lady. Corporate yes-wives like her will hasten the coming of mandated burkas for American women. Actually looks related to George, which might explain their mongoloid children.

Smoking Gun: She married George Bush.

Punishment: Chugging a gallon of stem cells on Fear Factor.

29. MICHAEL SAVAGE

Crimes: Will say anything to get attention, and then say the opposite for the same reason. Thinks revealing his inner xenophobe makes him some kind of rock star. Learned everything he knows about world politics from Archie Bunker. Said this: “When you hear ‘human rights,’ think gays. When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only one thing: someone who wants to rape your son. And you'll get it just right. OK, you got it, right? When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only someone who wants to molest your son, and send you to jail if you defend him.”

Smoking Gun: Real name is Michael Weiner.

Punishment: Ass-raped to death.

15. CONDOLEEZZA RICE

Crimes: The phrase “politics is show business for ugly people” has never had so fine a foil. Smirks condescendingly at senior Senators when they ask her silly questions about gross negligence in the area of national security. Winner of the Beast award for most likely to make Grover Norquist’s dick hard. Promoted for feverishly licking Cheney’s boot for four years.

Smoking Gun: Gets to sleep in the big house now.

Punishment: Thrown into the arctic from the Exxon oil tanker that used to bear her name.

3. YOU

Crimes: You gaze idly at the carnage around you, sigh, and go calmly back to your coffee and your People magazine. You can’t stop buying useless crap, though you’re drowning in a deepening pool of debt. You think you’re an activist because you bitch all day on the internet, but you reelect the same gangsters at a 99% rate. You consider yourself informed because you waste a significant portion of your life watching the same three news stories cycle over and over again on your gargantuan, aerodynamic television set while you eat processed food. You really thought everything would be okay if Kerry won. Not only do you believe in an invisible man who magically farted out the universe, you also excoriate and marginalize those who disagree. You have a poorer understanding of your country’s foreign policy history than a third world peasant, but you can’t wait to see what Julia Roberts will be wearing at the Oscars. You cheer as Ukrainians challenge an election based on exit poll data, but keep waiting around for someone else to fix your problems. You can’t think, you can’t organize and you won’t act. This is all your fault.

Smoking Gun: You’re fat.

Punishment: You’re soaking in it.

via Brutal Women

who isn't, really?

MO

You're most like Mo, the nucleus of the strip. Yes,
you're cranky, neurotic, and self-righteous,
but women actually find this adorable. You're
lucky you live in a comic, though, because this
would not happen nearly so often in reality.


Which Dyke of 'Dykes To Watch Out For' are you most like? (beta version)
brought to you by Quizilla

Bonus find: Alison Bechdel's blog

via frog

some chatter

I've managed to pick up some chatter on how a royal asshole is planning a big, irresponsible display of arrogance for today. No, not this one. Now you too can enjoy the thrill of an ostentatious power trip without having any skills! You too can pretend you know what you're doing: design your own inauguration speech.

I dare you to distill truth as delightfully as His Travesty.

ya era hora

Después de casi un año celebrando lo absurdo con what is this nonsense???, me rebelo contra la tiranía de mi voz más anglocínica, que chupa protagonismo a expensas de todos mis otros yos. No tiene lógica sentirme limitada en mi propio blog y buscar refugio en las secciones de comentarios de otra gente. Y tiene menos lógica aún que, cuando esta gente cierra el chiringuito y nos abandona, me quede con la sensación de silencio obligado. Me apetece una bitácora en la que dar cabida a la Pato que pulula por la blogocosa hispana pero que no asoma el morro nunca por su propio blog.

Así que al 2005 le he pedido una libreta sencilla, castiza y honesta, mi libreta, la libreta donde apuntar las cositas que me dan qué pensar.

haard woork

via AMERICAblog

2005 still looking good

Let's enjoy 2005. Let's.

now I get it! it's in their nature to be pussycats

via escolar.net

Currency markets hate freedom

via The Onion

romántica

Yo sé que existo
porque tú me imaginas.
Soy alto porque tu me crees
alto, y limpio porque tú me miras
con buenos ojos,
con mirada limpia.
Tu pensamiento me hace
inteligente, y en tu sencilla
ternura, yo soy también sencillo
y bondadoso.
Pero si tú me olvidas
quedaré muerto sin que nadie
lo sepa. Verán viva
mi carne, pero será otro hombre
-oscuro, torpe, malo- el que la habita...

Angel González

Una vez más, La Lengua inspira.

hey big spender

I happen to enjoy my holidays shopping-free. It's an immigrant's privilege I embrace whole-heartedly. My family's an ocean away and my friends here are used to the lack of Christmas gifts by now. We're all poor anyway.

BUT if you find yourselves hopelessly swirling in the capitalist tornado, you may want to take the following into account:

Wal-Mart, $467K, 97% to Republicans
KMart, $524K, 86% to Republicans
Home Depot, $298K, 89% to Republicans
Target, $226K, 70% to Republicans
Circuit City Stores, $261K, 95% to Republicans
Hallmark Cards, $319K, 92% to Republicans
Amway, $391K, 100% Republican
B.F. Goodrich (tires), $215K, 97% to Republicans
Proctor & Gamble, $243K, 79% to Republicans
Coors, $174K, 92% to Republicans (also Budweiser)
McDonald's Corp., $197K, 86% Republican

Martha Stewart Living Omni media, $153K, 99% to Democrats
Estee Lauder, $448K, 95% to Democrats
Guess ? Inc., $145K, 98% to Democrats
Calvin Klein, $78K, 100% to Democrats
Liz Claiborne, Inc., $34K, 97% to Democrats
Levi Strauss, $26K, 97% to Democrats
Price Club/Costco donated $225K, of which 99% went to Democrats
Rite Aid, $517K, 60% to Democrats

color-coded at Tale of Two Cities

SORPRESA. El congrio es mayor que el pescador

Un aficionado pesca un congrio de 30,5 kilos desde el cantil de El Musel

"El gijonés José Ramón Fernández, pescador aficionado «desde que nací», logró la pasada semana una espectacular captura, un congrio de 30,5 kilos de peso, cuando pescaba calamar en los muelles del Rendiello, en El Musel.

El congrio, como queda dicho, pesó 30,5 kilos, pero otras magnitudes no fueron menos notables. Midió 2,1 metros de largo y 57 centímetros de diámetro.

José Ramón Fernández dijo a este periódico que ya en otra ocasión pescó un congrio de 20 kilos, pero fue a bordo de una lancha y, en este caso, la diferencia de peso se notó mucho."

José Ramón Fernández, cuyas hazañas previas incluyen haberme dado vida y sobrellevar las consecuencias, pasa a ostentar, de hoy en adelante, el título de "Sandokan de los Mares".

For rough English translation, hit below.

The Liberal Family

Family values is owned by the right wing, but before you jump all over the idea that this is media manipulation, ask yourself - what does a liberal family look like? How does maintain stability and situate itself in a community? Where are the economic, political, and cultural anchors? It's pretty clear where the right sees the family, a man and woman in the suburbs who belong to a church and rely on their church community to provide social and cultural ballast. Negotiations among family members take place through a scripted doctrine, thereby avoiding messy and incoherent situations. The kids are disciplined through corporal and spiritual guidance and punishment, sent off to college, and marry young to anchor themselves.

In following a model like this, the right-wing conquers the three problems of modernity - Where is the community? Where do you get answers and services to common family problems? How do you manage an increasingly chaotic world with complex choices through a source you trust? Church, church, and church. The right-wing has an incredibly well-developped library of life-guides, newsmagazines, and child-rearing manuals. When in doubt, the family should pray. Avoid controversy by going along with your colleagues. Stay away from politics by voting Republican. Relate to the rest of the world through the police, the army, and gated communities/long commutes. Take away alternative lifestyles through ghettos and restrictive government policies.

So how is the liberal family put together?

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