Crimes: Oh the first lady, what an inspiration she must be to android researchers everywhere. Smile, nod, smile, (look interested) nod, put on $50,000 dress, suck off the president and there you have a typical day for the first lady. Corporate yes-wives like her will hasten the coming of mandated burkas for American women. Actually looks related to George, which might explain their mongoloid children.
Smoking Gun: She married George Bush.
Punishment: Chugging a gallon of stem cells on Fear Factor.
29. MICHAEL SAVAGE
Crimes: Will say anything to get attention, and then say the opposite for the same reason. Thinks revealing his inner xenophobe makes him some kind of rock star. Learned everything he knows about world politics from Archie Bunker. Said this: “When you hear ‘human rights,’ think gays. When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only one thing: someone who wants to rape your son. And you'll get it just right. OK, you got it, right? When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only someone who wants to molest your son, and send you to jail if you defend him.”
Smoking Gun: Real name is Michael Weiner.
Punishment: Ass-raped to death.
15. CONDOLEEZZA RICE
Crimes: The phrase “politics is show business for ugly people” has never had so fine a foil. Smirks condescendingly at senior Senators when they ask her silly questions about gross negligence in the area of national security. Winner of the Beast award for most likely to make Grover Norquist’s dick hard. Promoted for feverishly licking Cheney’s boot for four years.
Gets to sleep in the big house now.
Punishment: Thrown into the arctic from the Exxon oil tanker that used to bear her name.
Crimes: You gaze idly at the carnage around you, sigh, and go calmly back to your coffee and your People magazine. You can’t stop buying useless crap, though you’re drowning in a deepening pool of debt. You think you’re an activist because you bitch all day on the internet, but you reelect the same gangsters at a 99% rate. You consider yourself informed because you waste a significant portion of your life watching the same three news stories cycle over and over again on your gargantuan, aerodynamic television set while you eat processed food. You really thought everything would be okay if Kerry won. Not only do you believe in an invisible man who magically farted out the universe, you also excoriate and marginalize those who disagree. You have a poorer understanding of your country’s foreign policy history than a third world peasant, but you can’t wait to see what Julia Roberts will be wearing at the Oscars. You cheer as Ukrainians challenge an election based on exit poll data, but keep waiting around for someone else to fix your problems. You can’t think, you can’t organize and you won’t act. This is all your fault.
You're most like Mo, the nucleus of the strip. Yes, you're cranky, neurotic, and self-righteous, but women actually find this adorable. You're lucky you live in a comic, though, because this would not happen nearly so often in reality.
Después de casi un año celebrando lo absurdo con what is this nonsense???, me rebelo contra la tiranía de mi voz más anglocínica, que chupa protagonismo a expensas de todos mis otros yos. No tiene lógica sentirme limitada en mi propio blog y buscar refugio en las secciones de comentarios de otra gente. Y tiene menos lógica aún que, cuando esta gente cierra el chiringuito y nos abandona, me quede con la sensación de silencio obligado. Me apetece una bitácora en la que dar cabida a la Pato que pulula por la blogocosa hispana pero que no asoma el morro nunca por su propio blog.
Así que al 2005 le he pedido una libreta sencilla, castiza y honesta, mi libreta, la libreta donde apuntar las cositas que me dan qué pensar.