Suddenly, Senator John McCain has realized it's not very becoming to keep his lips glued to W's ass. The pungent smell of pork in the Appropriations Bill '04 has prompted the swift liberation of his mouth, which can now run free and remind America of why he shouln't have placed it on such ungodly parts in the first place.
The Republicans' very own flip-flopper points out how the conference report includes $11 billion in unrequested, unauthorized, run-of-the-mill --shall we call a spade a spade? yes, what the heck!-- bribes. Let's have a taste of the finest cuts of pork that Jesus Mini-Me has multiplied for his disciples:
• $7.3 million for Hawaiian Sea Turtles.
• $6 million for Sea Lions in Alaska.
• $1 million for Mormon cricket suppression in Utah.
• $175,000 to a city in Missouri for the painting of a mural on a flood wall.
• $90,000 for fruit fly research in Montpellier, France. (???????)
• $200,000 to the Town of Guadalupe, Arizona, for the construction and renovation of a shopping center.
• $325,000 to the City of Salinas, California, for construction of a swimming pool.
• $100,000 to the city of Macon, Georgia, for the renovation of the Coca-Cola building.
• $100,000 to the City of Atlanta for the renovation of Paschal's restaurant and motel.
• $175,000 to the City of Detroit for the design and construction of a zoo.
• $200,000 for the City of North Pole, Alaska, for recreation improvements. I guess Santa had a tough year and the elves need a little help from the American taxpayer.
• $238,000 to the National Wild Turkey Federation. Speaking of Wild Turkey - you almost need a bottle of it in order to swallow the lack of fiscal discipline in this bill.
Where I come from, we have a word for people who take, for their own benefit, what doesn't belong to them (such as, let's say, taxpayers' money to buy influence): chorizo (Spanish slang for "cheater" and "thief"), which, incidentally, is also the most sublime form of pork.
Once upon a time there was a mother of three girls under the age of 10. Her boyfriend, father of her youngest 2 daughters, was a convicted child rapist. As a matter of fact, he was brushing up on his pedophile skills with her oldest daughter (that the law knew of.)
Well, this mother has just lost custody. Court files state why her custody was challenged: she repeatedly "abandoned" the children in her boyfriend's care.
Aclaración: Sometimes my minimalist approach to blogging leaves the door wide open for misinterpretation. Let's see. I don't mean to imply that those who voted for Bush in the red states are a bunch of racists (although I do think some of the Bush votes are spurred by prejudice). What I was hoping to illustrate with this map is the historical context for voters' cultural identification. It seems that the national divide that these elections brought to sharp focus can be better understood when we bring in the issue of cultural/emotional identification. As any Spaniard knows all too well, civil wars respond to a real polarization within a nation, a polarization that leads to armed conflict and creates wounds that never quite heal. The Wombat File offers some good thoughts on the weight of cultural identification in these elections and Metafilter scoops out an eye-opening insider's explanation of "radical" conservatism, that is, Southern conservatism. It's not the only answer, but it's an important aspect of a complex whole we must seek to understand.
Morning thoughts, heavily influenced by rage, despair, and a brutal hangover:
• Everybody who voted for Bush should be immediately deployed to Iraq.
• Every state without a body of water should be denied TV-watching privileges in the hopes their citizens will pick up reading and develop a critical sense. Alternatively, these states could be depopulated.
• Ohio, New Mexico and Iowa are still pending, but the winner seems clear: Osama.
Now let's once again embrace dissociation as we prance our way to self-destruction. As long as we have Paris Hilton, we should be OK... isn't that right, America?